he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
