i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
