i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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