i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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