I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
