ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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