Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
