shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
