Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
