I can tuck mytits in my pants
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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