At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
