Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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