Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There r osticjed everywhere
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
