I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
