He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
