love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
