I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
