Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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