hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
