I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love having hate sex.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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