hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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