After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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