he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
