didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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