I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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