I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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