she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
