I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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