Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
