New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
