She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
