Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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