I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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