you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In America we eat man semen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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