Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
