I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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