I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
