I want to have your abortion
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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