I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We're too hungover to prance.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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