"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Houston, we have a blender
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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