I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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