i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
