too bad you live with your parents still
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
