My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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