I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
