I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
