she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
