how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
