She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
