just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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