Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
