Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
