yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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