Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Randomize
