Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
