he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
